Who is Frank? Why is he in my Cream Pan?

So we got some Japanese dessert and realized that there was some dude named Frank in it. If you have any information regarding Frank's whereabouts, please contact us...





Or this will happen to you:


Or maybe even this...


Or in the worst case scenario, this...


PC

PS

Here is some more Walker Texas Ranger.

Technology Wars (3D Realms Death)

3D Realms Shuts Down

In what can only be described as the worst corporate failure since Lehman Brothers, 3D Realms has shut down operations. For 13 years I had been waiting for my favorite first person shooter Duke Nukem 3D's sequel. Duke Nukem Forever was given a WID release date. WID stood for when its done. Apparently WID now means never. The stock market has responded terribly. Nasdaq down 3%, S&P 500 struggling to stay above 900, and the Dow Jones selling off 150 points! The systematic risk of a 3D Realms failure and the ensuing instability in all of gaming has shook the global economy to its core. Oil shot up to $58 in what can only be described as a flight to quality. The US Treasury had to issue 30 year bonds at the highest yield since the current warcession hit. Desperate times call for desperate measures. We must bailout 3D Realms, or at the very least Duke Nukem Forever. Unless we want the deflationary spiral to continue, Congress and the Obama Administration must act swiftly and with no accountability. Do we need to revisit the days after the fall of Fannie, Freddie, AIG, Bear Stearns, Lehman, Washington Mutual, and Circuit City? Or do we do things differently? A world without Duke Nukem is a sad shell of existence. Public health care can be put on the back burner, but this cannot wait. We have never faced the kind of volatility that the unmet expected release of DNF will cause. Forget the S&P 500 going to 666 again, we would be heading below 500. Apple would collapse and Microsoft would start making pancakes instead of software. Do we really want to see this world? I sure as shit don't and I would ask all citizens to unite with me in demanding a bailout of 3D Realms to allow Duke Nukem Forever to be released. The government could take an ownership interest that would allow for capital appreciation to flow through to taxpayers. This is bigger than any other crisis we have faced.

God help us,

Productive Citizen

To soften the devastating blow of this news I have provided a remix of the Duke Nukem 3D Theme Song. Hopefully this will prevent some of the inevitable suicides.

Farewell Duke.mp3

Ohio, at least we have LeBron James

First some videos about the bustling metropolis of Cleveland, Ohio

Hastily Made Cleveland Tourism Video: 1st Attempt


Hastily Made Cleveland Tourism Video: 2nd Attempt


Now some videos about the caped crusader of Cincinnati, Ohio. SHADOWHARE!


Cincinnati's Masked Super Hero: Part 1


Cincinnati's Masked Super Hero: Part 2


More info about Shadowhare available here.
View our comments for the copy of an online chat session with Shadowhare...

In other news LeBron James was named MVP of the NBA. He is the first Cavalier to receive this honor and he accepted the award at his highschool, St. Vincent-St. Mary, in Akron, Ohio. Go Cavs!

LeBron shows that even in a state with very little opportunity, a valuable person can be born and succeed. His work is not over. 12 more wins!

PC

Away Messages (infinite series of reports)

JM at it again with his "wisdom."

Check out the latest away message:

"The smallest minority is the INDIVIDUAL ...If you get caught up in filtering people as groups as many in Washington and the media do then you fundamentally can't believe in 'individual liberty' which is a cornerstone of our founding. This leads one to believe that the only option is the collective or socialism. This "group" mentality permeates every corner of academia and is destroying the very reason this great country has come so far in only 300 years."

-----

So I think this is interesting. Group think is bad? I agree that blindly following what the majority thinks is wrong. People should know why they feel strongly about what they think. You shouldn't let Fox News spoon feed you talking points. But wait, does that mean JM thinks Fox News Junkies are socialists? This all or none philosophy is what I would call random stupidity. Individuals can think things that happen to be thought by other people. If a group of individuals believes the same thing, why are they socialists? Some individuals may agree with part of a group's philosophy and disagree with other parts. I agree that lumping people into groups could be damaging. I wonder if any group thinks what JM thinks? Using his own logic, would that make him a socialist?

Food for thought, and thought is definitely starving...

PC

Away Messages (infinite series of reports)

So one of my friends is off the deep end.
Check out this ignorant away message...

"Obama, Pelosi, Reid, Feinstein, Barney Frank and any other lib or phony repube-ican deserves to be shot in the head for for what they are doing to this country"

- JM Doi April 24, 2009

Shot in the head? I hope the CIA is paying attention to GChat away messages. I don't know where to start with to explain just how wrong that away message is. I didn't agree with the Bush administration, but I never wished such horrible things upon them. This is America, and Obama is your President now. Don't like it? Get out. I am definitely not a fan of congress, but they are all we have. This blatant hatred is what leads to nutjobs actually trying to hurt our public officials. This is a lot like Palin leading "Kill Him" chants during the election. I am sure the people that sent "Obsession" to Muslim families across the US approve of JM's away message. If this is the direction of the conservative/religious right wing, I would gladly pay higher taxes so President Obama can get a pope mobile. No American should ever wish for public servants to be shot in the head. Provide your counterarguments to their policy, but blatant violent rage will not accomplish anything. I am ashamed to be a product of the same education system as this retard. Random stupidity? Probably just plain old stupidity.

Here is an excerpt of our conversation:

PC: your away message sucks
JM: they deserve it all of them ....tactical nuke washington
PC: you are nuts
JM: oh well, cant take it anymore with these bastards
PC: yea, violence and anger won't get you anywhere
JM: oh well, i cant help the way i feel

God help us,

PC

Teabag the White House and Kanye's Sad

Huge Heap of Stupidity Today...

First Teabagging the White House:

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Next, Kanye's illiterate blog post about South Park shitting all over him.
"SOUTH PARK MURDERED ME LAST NIGHT AND IT'S PRETTY FUNNY. IT HURTS MY FEELINGS BUT WHAT CAN YOU EXPECT FROM SOUTH PARK! I ACTUALLY HAVE BEEN WORKING ON MY EGO THOUGH. HAVING THE CRAZY EGO IS PLAYED OUT AT THIS POINT IN MY LIFE AND CAREER. I USE TO USE IT TO BUILD UP MY ESTEEM WHEN NOBODY BELIEVED IN ME. NOW THAT PEOPLE DO BELIEVE AND SUPPORT MY MUSIC AND PRODUCTS THE BEST RESPONSE IS THANK YOU INSTEAD OF "I TOLD YOU SO!!!" IT'S COOL TO TALK SHIT WHEN YOU'RE RAPPING BUT NOT IN REAL LIFE. WHEN YOU MEET LITTLE WAYNE IN PERSON HE'S THE NICEST GUY FOR EXAMPLE. I JUST WANNA BE A DOPER PERSON WHICH STARTS WITH ME NOT ALWAYS TELLING PEOPLE HOW DOPE I THINK I AM. I NEED TO JUST GET PAST MYSELF. DROP THE BRAVADO AND JUST MAKE DOPE PRODUCT. EVERYTHING IS NOT THAT SERIOUS. AS LONG AS PEOPLE THINK I ACT LIKE A BITCH THIS TYPE OF SHIT WILL HAPPEN TO ME. I GOT A LONG ROAD AHEAD OF ME TO MAKE PEOPLE BELIEVE I'M NOT ACTUALLY A HUGE DOUCHE BUT I'M UP FOR THE CHALLENGE. I'M SURE THE WRITERS AT SOUTH PARK ARE REALLY NICE PEOPLE IN REAL LIFE. THANKS FOR TAKING THE TIME TO DRAW MY CREW. THAT WAS PRETTY FUNNY ALSO!! I'M SURE THERE'S GRAMMATICAL ERRORS IN THIS... THAT'S HOW YOU KNOW IT'S ME!" - Kanye West's Blog 4/09/09

Download the Gay Fish Song here.
Video Here:


You morons are making it way too easy to blog about random stupidity. Thank you, Matt and Trey of South Park. You guys are my heros. Between this episode and Margaritaville, you have shown me that there is still a small bit of humanity that can appreciate intelligent art and satire. Although most of our generation is hooked on meth...

Stay tuned for new beats from AOT,

PC

Cramer "Answers" My Email

A few weeks ago I sent an email to Jim Cramer about Sears (SHLD)


Gotta love his answer, Sears credit line is strong?

If I am right, I expect him to hand me over the show.

I would add some better sound buttons:
"It's garbage"
"Fuck You"
"I believe, strongly, that Gears of War will lead us out of the recession"
"Sears!"
"Work Sucks Deek!"
"Warcession!"
"Warflation!"
"I would rather own Sears"

Now that show would rock...
Although it would have to air after 10 PM,
I am available Comedy Central...

PC

Full Disclosure:
I own $2.50 and $20 strike puts on Sears in September 2009.

Bill O'Reilly Dance Remix

This one is not safe for work, but boy is it funny.


Well done, and randomly stupid...

PC

Technology Wars: April Fool's Edition

Check out the latest innovation from Qualcomm...

Also, Kodak is joining in the fun.
Also, Red Faction's Ostrich Hammer


True random stupidity.
In other news, AOT has received
competing bids from Microsoft, Google and Apple.

April Fools,

PC

Post #100: The 5000 Calorie Burger

Source CNBC

In what is the epitome of stupidity, the Fifth Third Burger!

Fifth Third Burger "Nutritional" Value

Calories: 4889
Total Fat: 299g
Sat. Fat: 199g
Cholesterol: 744mg
Sodium: 10,887mg
Total Carbs: 354g
Protein: 198g

Congratulations to the Western Michigan Wildcats, who play at Fifth Third Bank Ballpark, for creating the most disgusting thing humans can eat. It's 5/3 lbs of beef with lettuce, tomato, salsa, sour cream, chili and Fritos on an eight-inch sesame seed bun. The team says it feeds one to four people and sells for $20, and if a person finishes the Fifth Third Burger in one sitting, the team will offer up a Fifth Third Burger T-shirt. Now you could either have 8 shares of Fifth Third Bank, or one of these burgers.

Either choice is probably a waste of money...

Wow, 100 posts... Here's to 100 more!

PC

China Hates Google

China Blocks YouTube, Calls Tibet Beating Video 'Lies'
source CNBC

China on Tuesday accused supporters of the Dalai Lama of fabricating a video that appears to show police beating a Tibetan protester to death, while the video-sharing network YouTube said its service had been blocked for Chinese users.

The footage, which the official Xinhua News Agency said came from sources tied to the Dalai Lama's government-in-exile, was pieced together from different places, the agency said Tuesday, citing an unidentified official with China's Tibetan regional government.

t was not clear what video Xinhua was referring to or where it was available, but YouTube owner Google [GOOG 347.05 -1.55 (-0.44%) ] said that the file-sharing site had been blocked in China. Google spokesman Scott Rubin said in an e-mail to The Associated Press that the company was pushing to have service restored and that it could not comment on the Chinese government's reason for the block.

China occasionally blocks the file YouTube to prevent access to videos that criticize or shine an unflattering light on its Tibet policies.

The footage, which the Xinhua said came from sources tied to the Dalai Lama's government-in-exile, was pieced together from different places, the agency said Tuesday, citing an unidentified official with China's Tibetan regional government.

Few details were given, although the report said the footage purported to show a person named Tendar being beaten to death by police following a riot in Tibet's capital Lhasa on March 14 last year. Xinhua said the person in the footage was not in fact Tendar and wounds shown were fake.

"The Dalai Lama group is used to fabricating lies to deceive the international community and the aim of this video is to hide the truth of the March 14th riot," Xinhua quoted the official as saying.

The government did not directly address whether YouTube had been blocked. When asked about the matter, Foreign Ministry spokesman Qin Gang told reporters: "Many people have a false impression that the Chinese government fears the Internet. In fact it is just the opposite."

Users in Beijing said they were unable to access the site late Tuesday.

Security in Tibetan areas of China has been tightened in recent weeks as Beijing seeks to head off trouble related to sensitive anniversaries this month. March 14 marked the one-year anniversary of anti-government riots in Lhasa, Tibet's regional capital, while March 17 marked 50 years since the Dalai Lama escaped into exile in India after Chinese troops crushed a Tibetan uprising.

Armed police have been patrolling a Tibetan community in northwest China following reports that six people were arrested after a crowd of hundreds—including Buddhist monks—attacked a police station.

-----------------------------------------------------

In our attempts to piss off China, here is the banned video...


Now we are not trying to be preachy, but it is apparent that the Chinese people need someone to show them the brighter side of the internet. In an attempt to lighten the mood, here is a randomly stupid game about boobs...
Lust for Bust



Click here to play this game

Changing the world, one boob at a time...

PC

Larry Kudlow Should Go To Jail

Larry Kudlow seen here on CNBC burning a dollar to demonstrate the effect of new Fed monetary policies:



This is a violation of Title 18, Section 333, of the United States Code. Title 18, Section 333, states: "Whoever mutilates, cuts, defaces, disfigures, or perforates, or unites or cements together, or does any other thing to any bank bill, draft, note, or other evidence of debt issued by any national banking association, or Federal Reserve bank, or the Federal Reserve System, with intent to render such bank bill, draft, note, or other evidence of debt unfit to be reissued, shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than six months, or both."

I sent an email to CNBC asking for Mr. Kudlow to at least pay the $100 fine. How arrogant can one man be? To burn a dollar during the peak of the worst recession since the 1930s disgusts me in a way similar to our previous post about Jim Cramer. These CNBC elitists have no idea what the common man is going through in America. Better ways to use that burnt dollar bill? Give it to a homeless person, donate it to charity, even roll it up to enjoy some of the nose candy that Kudlow was once addicted to... CNBC is resorting to classless antics that I thought were only reserved for Code Pink or the Daily Show, but even those groups think this is retarded. Random Stupidity? Absolutely. Shame on you, Mr. Kudlow. Shame on you, CNBC. Someone who cries about illegal behavior on Wall Street and in Washington should have no problem adhering to the law. I hope you are prosecuted to the full extent of the law. 6 months in pound-me-in-the-ass prison might be the only way to show Mr. Kudlow what the value of a dollar really is.

I love my country, and its currency.

PC

Jon Stewart vs Jim Cramer

Please watch Jon Stewart mop the floor with Jim Cramer...

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Jim Cramer Unedited Interview Pt. 1

Daily Show Full Episodes
Important Things w/ Demetri Martin

Political Humor
Jim Cramer

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Jim Cramer Unedited Interview Pt. 2

Daily Show Full Episodes
Important Things w/ Demetri Martin

Political Humor
Jim Cramer

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Jim Cramer Unedited Interview Pt. 3

Daily Show Full Episodes
Important Things w/ Demetri Martin

Political Humor
Jim Cramer

Random Stupidity?
Yes.
Corruption will continue to provide us with fantastic material.
BTW, Check out AOT's song
United Banks of America (52 Week Low Mix)
to get our take on the problems plaguing the banks.

May Gears bless us,
and the may Gears bless the
United Banks of America!

PC

United Banks of America (52WeekLowMix)

Greetings,

As you all know, we are in the worst recession since 1937.
The situation is dire.
Banks are trading for less than Starbucks.
AOT has rushed here to save the financial system.
Our plan will follow in the coming weeks.
We are still hammering out most of the details.
Let me assure you, this new plan is good.
It's just not done yet.
So we'll get back to you when it is done.
In the meantime, please listen to our new song:

United Banks of America (52 Week Low Mix)

We have provided an approximation of the lyrics:

I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United Banks of America
Fannie, Freddie, AIG
Where do they get the authority?
Wells Fargo, Bank of America
JP Morgan Stanley and Chase
WAMU, Countrywide, IndyMac
OH NO!
It's the Super Lehman Brothers
Riding on the back of the Meryll Lynch bull
Bear Stearns knocked the bull on its ass
shorting stocks like Douglas Kass
Whenever I make money, somebody loses money!
SRS
SKF
SSG
QID
SDS
DXD
If I'm gonna make money, somebody loses money!

I want a million dollars
You want a million dollars
Let's spend a trillion dollars
OH NO!

Pelosi, Reed and Barney Frank
Love the Fed more than you and me
George Bush and Henry Paulson
spent all our currency
The former head of the New York Fed is now in charge of the IRS
Tim Geithner takes your taxes
but he doesn't pay his own
you don't need an RTC
all you need is AOT

Peaceful Resolution
Peaceful Revolution

a revolution without dancing is not a revolution worth having.

This ain't a bad bank
it's a citi bank
this aint a bad bank
it's a shitty bank
SRS
SKF
SSG
QID
SDS
DXD
I only make money, if someone loses money!
------------------------------------------------------------

We can only hope this will create a more open dialogue about what is really going on in the world economy.

PC

GBFMYC

Give Us Back Our Fucking Money You Cunts, brought to you by dontpaniconline.com

ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND - Give Us Back Our F****** Money
by DontPanicOnline

At least the global financial shitstorm is allowing for some comedy...

PC

China's Next Top Mistress

Just when we think we are done talking about China, a friend sends us this story...

Source: CNN
-------------------------------------------------------------------------

"BEIJING, China (CNN) -- A married Chinese businessman who could no longer afford five mistresses held a competition to decide which one to keep.

But the contest took a fatal turn when one of the women, eliminated for her looks, drove the man and the four other competitors off a cliff, Chinese media reported.

The spurned mistress died and the other passengers were injured, the reports said.

Police initially thought the car had plummeted off a mountain road in eastern China on December 6 by accident. Then they learned of the contest through a letter the dead woman had left behind, the Shanghai Daily newspaper said.

The 29-year-old woman, identified only as Yu, was a waitress when she met the businessman at a restaurant in the coastal city of Qingdao in 2000.

At the time, the businessman, identified only by his last name -- Fan -- was married and had four other mistresses, according to the Peninsula Metropolis Daily newspaper in Qingdao.

The women knew of one another, but none elected to break up with the man and give up their rent-free apartment and a 5,000 yuan ($730) monthly allowance, the reports said.

When the economy soured, the businessman apparently decided to let go of all but one mistress.

He staged a private talent show in May, without telling the women his intentions. An instructor from a local modeling agency judged the women on the way they looked, how they sang and how much alcohol they could hold, the Shanghai Daily said.

The judge knocked out Yu in the first round of the competition based on her looks. Angry, she decided to exact revenge by telling her lover and the four other women to accompany her on a sightseeing trip before she returned to her home province, the media reports said.

It was during the trip that Yu reportedly drove the car off the cliff.

Fan shut down his company after the crash and paid Yu's parents 580,000 yuan ($84,744) as compensation for her death.

The four other women left him, as did his wife when she learned of the affairs."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
You just gotta love the three categories of the competition:

Looks: How can you have a mistress if she isn't hot?

Singing Ability: A mistress has to be able to frequent a karaoke bar and hold it down.

Alcohol Tolerance: Now this one is tricky, as most hot, Asian women are skinny and have problems metabolizing their booze. Still, a man has to have his priorities.

Now the last point I will make: Who gets in a car with a girl whose life you just ruined? Especially with the other women you rejected her to be with. Mr. Fan exhibited a fine example of random stupidity, which will be forever immortalized in our blog.

Kudos to China, we will keep eating this crazy shit up...

PC

Dan Deacon - Crystal Cat

From half of the guys that brought you Mister Ballonhands,
It's Crystal Cat!



Random Stupidity indeed,

PC

I thought you were a rocket scientist!

Source Journal Times

"The thumbs down in the we-knew-it-had-to-happen-sooner-or-later category occurred this week 500 miles over Siberia: the first recorded space collision between two satellites. According to news reports, a working U.S. Iridium satellite on contract for commercial and Department of Defense work plowed into a one-ton defunct Soviet military satellite. The collision spewed space debris over 300 to 800 miles and could pose a danger to other satellites. Perhaps even more predictable than the crash was the response from the Soviets, who suggested NASA and Iridium could have avoided the crash by adjusting its orbit. “It could have been a computer failure or a human error,” a Soviet space expert said, “It also could be that they were only paying attention to smaller debris and ignoring the defunct satellites.” Why don’t you watch where you’re going with that heap of junk? No tickets were issued."

Gotta love those cold-blooded Russians, and wow, if you needed to know that Motorola was hurting there you go...

PC

Happy Birthday to Me.

I am 28, and I gotta say that last year felt like 30 years... The older I get, the more responsibilities I face. I am grateful to the giant donut in the sky for giving me all the opportunity to succeed and live in a country with 24 hour drive thru hamburger joints. I thank the giant donut in the sky for all Cleveland sports, for the University of Michigan, for WRA, CCDS, and all other things that have formed who I am. I will continue to make electronic music as it is my religion to do so. Thank you giant donut for saving me in 2006 when I had my near fatal car accident.

And Thanks to all my readers, friends, family and Earl Divx...

PC

Google Search Hates China

More Random Stupidity...

PC

Pets Who Want to Kill Themselves

www.petswhowanttokillthemselves.com

Awesome, Random Stupidity...

PC

Real California Milk

This is a link to a website that appears to be about milk.

Be the Next Happy California Cow!

Wow,

PC

Away Messages (an infinite series)

Only a married guy could have this away message:

"Thanks Obama for signing the Womens Equal pay bill which allows stupid bitches that I choose to fire to sue me 5 or more years after the fact for no reason.. You're a friggin asshole. Thankfully tort lawyers will continue to rake in the dough screwing us as always"

Where to start with why this is wrong? How about lumping all women as "stupid bitches?" Or perhaps the fact that this guy barely employs any women to begin with. It is one thing to disagree with policy, but to blindly spit out hate is exactly what is wrong with the direction of this country.

If you want to voice an intelligent opinion about politics check out our new blog...
www.ifyouwantmyvote.com
PC

Snuggie Backlash

When will the hate end, and the Snuggie begin?

PC

It's only been a week, but I miss him.

Some of Letterman's great moments in Presidential Speeches.


Truly Random Stupidity,

PC

Technology Wars: Happy Anniversary Mac!

In honor of the 25th anniversary of Macintosh computers by Apple, I thought I would post some blasts from the past by our favorite titans of industry, Steve Jobs and Bill Gates.

First the Apple Hype Machine's 1984 Ad at the Superbowl...


Steve Unveils the Mac


Bill Gates loves it!


I am sure glad 1984 wasn't like 1984, too bad 2009 is looking like it.

Techno Sucks
PC

Mr. Balloon Hands, NO WAY

Where to start with why this is random stupidity. Yea Right.

www.musicisgoodfood.com
PC

Deflation, Inflation, Oil, and Spacebucks

So we obviously are in the worst recession since Jesus led a hummus strike in Palestine. While playing Gears of War 2 last night, a problem arose. My friend did not have the new "combustible map pack." We suggested that he buy them with his xbox live points. He pointed out that his points were on his other account and that he didn't know if they could be transferred or traded to his present account. This lead us to a revelation. We should created a currency market for videogame points. The Spacebucks exchange would be a place where wii, xbox and ps3 "spacebucks" could be traded in exchange for each other as well as US Dollars. If we could take out insurance on the value our spacebucks, we could hedge against inflation or deflation (even finance home purchases.) This market would be obviously more transparent than any other financial market. As a result of the transparency, spacebucks would be worth more than the US Dollar relative to the videogame currencies. Also, we may as well throw a conversion rate for WoW gold and CnC Tiberium to spacebucks as well. So right now, the $10 gets you 800 xbox points, well 7 spacebucks would get the same amount. Seems like a no brainer. The dollar will ultimately crash, but spacebucks will have the same purchasing power, a win win for the gamers and the game companies. We could start buying actual commodities in spacebucks, a stable currency would create less volatility in the actual gold and oil markets. Lastly, the money supplies can be controlled by the central banks of Nintendo and Microsoft. Sony's damn near insolvent, so they would be a lot like the Iceland of the spacebucks exchange. Videogame companies have less debt than the federal reserve and the central banks across the world, so this could lead to broader stability in the markets. So let us write to congress as well as our facefudge pals, our mayonnaisespace compatriots, and twitter our way out of this recession. May Gears bless us, and may Gears bless this United Spacebucks of America.

www.technosucks.com
PC

Technology Wars: The CES Edition

So I got back from CES 2009 in Las Vegas yesterday, and I thought I would share my impressions of the show with you guys. I will start with the good stuff:

1. Slingbox - this was the most impressive booth at the show, not because they spent a lot like Sony's dumbasses, but the product has really evolved. My personal favorite was slingbox for iPhone, coming soon. They were streaming TV to phones from San Fransisco. Pretty damn neat. They are a subsidiary of Echostar (symbol SATS).


2. Qualcomm (Flo TV) - Another part of the same trend as Slingbox. Qualcomm is intriguing as they own patents on chipsets that allow cellphones to stream TV. They were also players when it came to the spectrum auction last year. Lastly Flo TV has created a partnership with some nice content providers (ESPN, CNBC, Viacom, Fox, and CBS). Qualcomm's stock symbol is QCOM.


3. OLED from Sony and LG - OLED is by far the most innovative product at the show, even though the same could be said of last year's show. Flexible OLED by Sony and insanely thin TVs from LG could show us the future of screen technology, once it isn't ass expensive. I offered top dollar for a few of these LG TVs. Also LG had a Dick Tracy kind of watch that was almost as annoyingly stupid as a netbook, but at least it was innovative I guess? Sony trades with the symbol SNE and LG as LPL here in the US. Although I wouldn't buy those stocks with your money.


4. Windows 7 - Just as I started thinking I want a Mac, Steve Ballmer stops doing lines long enough to announce a new operating system. In an attempt to stop the bleeding from Vista, Windows has become even more Mac-like. The taskbar has been changed to aide productivity. A touch interface to the operating system seems gimicky at first, but after a solid demonstration at the booth I gotta say I didn't hate it. Think Vista + iPhone - all that security nonsense. Are you sure you want to think that? Sure? Really? Okay. Wait, Are you sure? Yea. Microsoft trades as MSFT in the US.


5. HDMI - This is the only place anywhere in technology that I see a solid model for growth and profitability. The new innovation is that they are going to use the new HDMI cables for transmission on network data. The proprietary nature of the standard will make it hard for DVD Jon or whatever other hackers to rip off this consortium of TV makers, content providers, and computer makers. Preventing piracy could help the companies, unless the consumer is dead. I wish HDMI was publicly traded but it is an organization of companies that I would not recommend investing with.

6. Alternative Energy (Green) - So I found some nuggets of growth in between Samsung and Microsoft's booths. Solar, Wind, Battery, and Power strip technologies are one of the only areas where I found innovation and the potential for earnings growth. Seeing as President Barry is a fan of saving the environment, resistance will be futile. Get on the bandwagon, get yourself some thinfilm, some windpower and a nice powerstrip that limits vampire currents. If you want to play these spaces, TAN is the solar ETF and FAN is the wind ETF.

Now for the worst themes of the show...

1. Netbooks - You may have heard of these ultramobile PCs. Where to start with why I hate them? From an end-user standpoint, I can't type on the damn things, they are too small for my hands. The hardware in these things tend to be worse than the laptop that I already own. They run XP, which is actually a good thing. From the investor standpoint, I simply hate the direction Sony, Toshiba, HP, and whoever else is going with these devices. Instead of releasing an innovative high price product, these companies are shifting towards low profit margin, already obsolete computers that are supposed to appeal to the newly thrifty US consumer. There is a flaw in their logic, that the consumer will buy their crap. They all hope to make back the revenues in volume of sales, but if the US consumer is truly dead, you better believe that they are not going to waste money on these pieces of shit. So let's just let these companies keep there fingers crossed as netbooks become more of a fad than swatches or pogs.

2. 3D - How many times does 3D have to fail before we take it out back and shoot it in the head? Sony and other TV makers once again seems to be in love with planned obsolescence. It is 2009, where it the Hologram? I can see how movie theaters will benefit from this new technologies, but who really wants a 3D TV in their home? Holograms, please!

3. Broadband TV - I am torn on this topic. I feel that we need sinergy between all media, but here in the US our bandwidth sucks. Which leads me to why this internet TV kerfluffle is too early. Sure sure, in Japan these things probably rule. They have way faster internet. I cannot get blindly behind this technology until we figure out a plausible way to make the US rank in the top 5 in bandwidth speeds. The reason this is number 3, is that it is innovative although implausible here in the states. PS, Yahoo, screw your widgets.

4. Massage chairs - There were so many damn booths with these chairs, last year Audio Technica had actual masseuses, this year NADA. Qualcomm had a nice setup this year with real massages but in general, there was way too much furniture at the show. When did furniture become consumer electronics? Next year's CES may as well be held at an Ikea.

5. Less boothbabes - In what is probably the most tragic story of the show, there were probably 80% less boothbabes at the show! Who knows how this will effect Los Angeles area shops in the next quarter, but this is just a further sign that tech companies are afraid of the continuing downturn. When asked about the downturn, this boothbabe said that tax cuts and supply-side economics will prove to be more effective than quantitative easing. Ha ha, actually she just stood there and looked pretty.

6. Vegas is hurting - And now for my take on the city of Las Vegas and how it has shown me that we are nowhere near the end of the downturn. All throughout the city, there are unfinished projects by MGM and Las Vegas Sands, I must give credit to Wynn for finishing Encore. A cabbie, formerly a casino worker, told me that 100,000 people showed up to apply for the 10,000 new jobs at Encore. The town is filthy, and has a scent of failure, literally. Unemployment has gone up to 9% from its low of 0.3%! At the show, it was noticeable in the lack of attendance. My foot didn't get stepped on once, and I didn't even catch a waft of that trade show fat tech nerd body odor that I have become so accustomed to. Back to the economy, how can there be a turnaround with no bottom in real estate or unemployment? I think everyone should procede with caution in the stock market as well as with your own careers. If you have a job, keep it. If not, go back to school. Can't go back to school? It seems like whoring yourself is not as profitable as it used to be. Most whores in Vegas were haggling. Truly a recession.

Techno Sucks,
PC

This Just In: 2008 Sucked

Next year is going to have to suck really hard to beat this year.

Happy New Year to all three of my readers...


PC

PS

I think there are more than three of you, but you guys catch my drift.

Apple Inc. Firing Practices Illustrated

Check out this story (source softpedia.com)

In Apple's history of employments and layoffs, one may be reluctant to believe that the company bearing the motto "Think different" would fire one of its staffers for doing just that.

Meet Brent Barlow, a former software analyst and beta-tester at Apple. In 1999, Apple felt it was necessary to let him go because he "consistently failed to adhere to the normal standards of conduct and daily routines expected of employees of Apple Computer," according to a company spokesperson.

Listening to Bob Dylan on his headphones while testing software, and taking barefoot walks around the Apple campus to" feel more connected to the creative energy of others" were among his strange activities around the office. For one reason or another, Dylan also used to hang his mountain bike above his workstation.

"It's okay to think outside the box," Avie Tevanian, Apple senior vice-president of software engineering, said. "In fact, we very much encourage that sort of thing, here at Apple. But in Mr. Barlow's case, he went just a bit too far."

First written up in September 1996, Barlow was cited for "unprofessional and inappropriate personal modifications to his workspace." Those included taped-up pictures of Mahatma Gandhi, Albert Einstein, and R. Buckminster Fuller, a painted red question mark on the side of his monitor, a non-approved wallpaper (on his Mac) of Jim Henson, and more. Reportedly, Barlow went as far as replacing his computer's trademarked startup sound with a snippet of the John Lennon song "Imagine."

"I like to explore problems from unusual angles," Barlow explained, as he was cleaning out the desk he had been working at for four years. "And being in a free-form environment of my own creation really helps me get in the right frame of mind." The last straw was when his team supervisor caught him doing a headstand, reports revealed. The write-up for this incident was Barlow's last blow.

"I was stuck on this bug I discovered in the new Mac OS X system software that Apple's developing. No matter what I tried, nothing worked," Barlow revealed. "So I thought to myself, what I need to do is turn my whole approach to this problem upside-down. And what better way to do that than by standing on your head?"

Apple director of corporate communications, Michael Landau, further emphasized that the company had no choice but to let him go. "Of course, we want our employees to be individuals and 'do their own thing,' so to speak," Landau stated at the time. "But Mr. Barlow's behavior consistently crossed the line. If he wants to think that different, he can do it on his own time."

Throughout the years, Apple has developed a manual outlining the company's rules and regulations regarding individualism, in an effort to prevent "excessive iconoclasm." In accordance with those rules, staffers were allowed activities such as:

- removing shoes when seated or within four feet of a desk;
- whistling when given prior written permission from a direct supervisor;
- kicking puddles, provided the kicking is conducted during one's lunch hour and the puddle is one of the 35 on the Apple campus specifically designated for such a purpose.

Staffers are moreover prohibited to sing out loud, fly kites, and catch butterflies.


---------------------------------------------
In other news, multiple news agencies have been added to my shit list for knocking down AAPL with rumors of Steve Jobs' health, death, monkey pox, battles with mutant monsters in space, etc.

Source Gizmodo.com
"Steves health is rapidly declining. Apple is choosing to remove the hype factor strategically vs letting the hype destroy apple when the inevitable news comes later this spring."



As you can see the shorts knocked AAPL down from 88 and change to 84 and change in about 5 minutes. This kind of market manipulation has been prevalent all year in this stock. Are you an AAPL shareholder? If so, contact Investor Relations at

Phone: (408) 974-3123
Fax: (408) 974-2113
Email: investor_relations@apple.com

I am astonished at the lack of outrage in this stock market. Apathy will lead to further pain, and fraud if we don't stand up and do something. I hope you will join me in bringing integrity, honor and transparency to our failing capital markets.

Peace,

PC

Work Still Sucks Deek

This excerpt from a paper by a dear friend “Jam Hole” in Mrs. Bastone’s English class sums everything up pretty well.

“Another problem I experienced with this poem is the amount of work involved with properly annotating the text-or any form of work for that matter. I fully believe and abide by the concept of not doing any work-at all. While visiting Puerto Rico, a fool told me that a good and steadfast work ethic will prove to have many benefactors. I then proceeded to kick him in the groin and threaten his dog, Willis. To make a long and cumbersome story short, work sux. Don't ever be misled into thinking a strong work ethic will pay the electricity bills-it won't. The lives of the ignorant are enhanced by the high amounts of work they perform. It disgraces me. Thank you. God will see us through this epidemic.”

What was true in 1999 is even more true in 2008.

PC

Just in time for Christmas, It's Snuggie!

www.getsnuggie.com



The perfect recession gift, we can all use a snuggie when we are huddled around a burning garbage can eating beans and dog food.

Happy Holidays,

PC

It's a beautiful day

FOR CANCER



Wear some sunscreen, people.

PC

Shoes thrown at President Bush

In his farewell visit to Iraq, the President of these United States had a shoe thrown at him. Maybe the Iraqi press core should take their shoes off before any press conferences...



Happy Holidays,

PC

Away Messages (yet another report)

Here is more away message stupidity from my buddylist:

How about we stop giving bailouts and start giving less Government regulation that strangles America.

Less regulation got us here. We have already started the process of bailing out various industries within our economy. To stop now would be the most irresponsible action available. Today we got a jobs report that said we lost 533,000 jobs in November of 2008. We have been in a recession since December 2007. To let the Big 3 auto companies fail would cause unemployment to skyrocket. 2.5 million jobs and people would be affected by a failure of the industry. Billions of dollars of auto loan debt would be written down, leading to even further problems in the financial sector. It is easy to drop a smarmy one liner about big government, but if you open your eyes, mind and ears, you will realize how much of a jackass you are in emulating Hoover and Shelby.

Senator Shelby wants to kill Detroit, I want to save the world.

PC

Away Messages (an infinite series of reports)

So today, the automakers are begging for a bailout/bridge loan.

I had the following away message:

Senator Shelby for President, of REAL AMERICA

Someone on my buddylist put this up shortly after:

Senator Shelby and the flat tax...I am all for it.

Now, the flat tax is one thing, but to think that an ignorant douche like Shelby knows anything about financial crises is another completely false belief. Among the bills sponsored by Shelby over the years have been bills to make English the sole language of the federal government. (source wikipedia) Now, does anyone think that is a useful way to spend your time in congress? He was also a leader in the opposition to the TARP, in the name of free markets. If it was up to him we would be eating dog food by now (Alpo is the meatiest one FYI). My point to anyone who thinks the flat tax is fair, don't you think billionaires should pay more than a guy who makes 20 grand a year? I propose leaving all rates the same for individuals, eliminating the corporate tax, and creating a new billionaire bracket. If billionaires try to move to tax advantaged countries, we can assess a patriot penalty tax.

Food for thought,

My friend will continue to provide me with stupid away messages that I can then poke holes through.

PC

Away Messages (an infinte series of reports)

These messages were written by people on my buddy list.

"International court to punish nations that fail to prevent global warming"?? The carbon cap and trade and Now this? WAKE UP...The words "man made Global warming" created by politicians has nothing to do with the planet it has to do with taxation of epic proportions..It's funny how every top scientist who has proven that global warming has nothing to do with humans is persecuted.

So, apparently he doesn't think we caused this. I would just like to point out two things:

The Cuyahoga River caught fire in 1936 and continued in the 1960s.

VIDEO

Lake Erie is receding.

It is apparent that humans caused the Cuyahoga River to catch fire. Now, I am not saying that we caused the Great Lakes to recede, but if you look at the evidence, with an open and nonpartisan mind, you can see a correlation if not a pure connection.

PC

Nice and Stupid, Like I Like IT.

Also here is someone eating a burrito at 70 mph.



Have a nice Thanksgiving people,

PC

Bjork teaches us all about TVs

I don't think I have to explain why this is random stupidity.

Go Bjork,

PC

Asif Khan 2008

The people like me, they really like me.


PC

Steve Jobs not dead, but the free market is.

The following fake story was reported to cnn.com by some random douchebag:

"Steve Jobs was rushed to the ER just a few hours ago after suffering a major heart attack. I have an insider who tells me that paramedics were called after Steve claimed to be suffering from severe chest pains and shortness of breath. My source has opted to remain anonymous, but he is quite reliable. I haven't seen anything about this anywhere else yet, and as of right now, I have no further information, so I thought this would be a good place to start. If anyone else has more information, please share it."

http://www.ireport.com/docs/DOC-102841

This is absurd. Why should we have any faith in this market? CNN, you have lost my business. I have contacted Apple, CNN, and the SEC regarding this. Free Market my ass! Between this, UAUA trading at .01, and Google why should I be in the market?

Shaq raps, but he is no Biggie...

At least Kobe made it to the finals this year...


Randomly stupid indeed...

PC

More Randomly Stupid Spam

This was recently received by my friend:

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Quality spam,

PC

Kentucky doesn't like Black People...

In yet another display of intelligence, the citizens of Kentucky have had their voices heard. Albeit illiterate, racist, and ignorant hate speech, I recommend watching this Al Jazeera piece:


This is why I struggle everyday with voting Nader or Obama, I feel that a minority candidate can't win because there are still a lot of racists (overt and covert) that will support McCain in November.

Oh well, 100 years of war doesn't sound that bad.

PC

Sorry DJs, no more Turntablism. Now Giant iPhonetables.

Check out ATTIGO by Scott Hobbs:

Final Product // ATTIGO TT from Scott Hobbs on Vimeo.

I love technology,

PC

The New East vs West Coast Rap War

In this corner, Snoop:



And in the other more white and conservative corner, Bill O'Reilly:


Gotta love Bill O'Reilly making fun of the word ghetto...

Truly Randomly Stupid,

PC

Army of Techno receives takeover bid from Google

Dear readers/listeners,

Today at 9:15 AM Central time, we received a takeover bid from Google. They are offering $10,000 a share. They believe that the Productive Citizen brand is worth a lot, they also feel that AOTV and armyoftechno.com are intellectual properties that could be worth way more than they are paying. AOT and PC will continue to make music, videos, and write blogs. This offer is to shareholders of record as of 1/1/08 so don't try to pile into our company now. The Board of Directors will meet later tonight to discuss our future. Who knows? This could be the beginning of a bidding war. Eat that Yahoo!

Sincerely,

Productive Citizen
(google's bitch)

I know we haven't had the best year

Dear readers,

I am sitting here printing out the stats of AOT and PC from this year, and we are definitely down from 2006. The good news is that 2006 was amazing, so being down from that doesn't mean we are done selling water and T-shirts while giving away our music*.

I know that we as Americans are having a rough year.
I know the world is having a rough year.

But, I sincerely hope that we can actually bring forth positive changes in the upcoming year.

PC

*(live music perfomances may cost money)

We have a winner (for dumbest thing ever)

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2007/1105072jenkem1.html

New Drug Alert!
Florida sheriff's bulletin warns of purported new human waste high

NOVEMBER 5--We're not sure what they're inhaling down in Collier County, Florida, but here's the bizarre "information bulletin" prepared by the local sheriff's intelligence bureau about a purported "new drug" favored by the kids. It's an inhalant called "Jenkem," and causes hallucinations and a "euphoric high." Of course, as the bulletin notes, Jenkem users dislike its sewagey taste, which can last for days. That's because Jenkem's active ingredients are urine and fecal matter, hence its street names like "Butthash" and "Fruit from Crack Pipe." Click here to see a video report on Jenkem, via Breitbart.tv. We've tried to speak with the bulletin's author, Lieutenant Al Ganich, but he has not returned TSG calls. Perhaps he's realized that his "CONFIDENTIAL" September 26 report--which is authentic, according to a sheriff's official--may be itself full of shit. Ganich's alert reminds us of a New York Fire Department memo from a chief who also apparently never heard of snopes.com. (1 page)

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2007/1105072jenkem1.html

-------------------------

Wow, this is the prime example for why drugs should be legalized. At least kids won't be huffing human feces. This is a new low for humanity and a sign that movies like Idiocracy are not as much comedic as they are prophetic.

PC

After these messages...

We'll be right back...



I have had this in my head all week...

PC

Is it worth it?

Click here if you think if Army of Techno is worth it or not

It is a link to my email.
Let me know what you think,
I am starting to wonder if it is worth it myself.
Most likely no one will respond to this post,
and that is why I ask this question.

Is it worth it?

PC

A crazy plane landing, and an Asian that is good at B-ball

True Random Stupidity.

PC

Carlos Mencia is a hack

Apparently Joe Rogan feels strongly about this. Yo, Tube this!


Ah, original material is hard to write, Carl.

PC

Microsuck (an infinite series of reports)

Do I have to explain how stupid this is?

I apparently didn't have WindowsDefender.msi, but I did.

Anyways have a nice day.

PC

Robot Humps (a Mr. Bungle Video?)

I hope I don't have to explain how this is randomly stupid.



That song rules.

PC

April Fools!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Gotcha!

EL BABA: nooo wrasif!

*** Auto-response sent to EL BABA: http://productiveshizzle.blogspot.com/2007/04/
productive-citizen-quits-army-of-techno.html
I quit Army of Techno

EL BABA: NOT YOU
EL BABA: u were the last great hope!
PC: april fools
PC: hehe
El BABA: damn
PC: gotcha bab
El BABA: a$holde
El BABA: I was worried for a second
PC: I am going to blog this IM if that is okay with you
El BABA: that is fine
El BABA: you got me good
PC: keeping our IM identities secret of course
El BABA: I was really scared
El BABA: that you were going to be a cpa
El BABA: forever
PC: hahaha
PC: why can't I be both?
El BABA: that is true
El BABA: it is like your super power
PC: but yea, I got you
El BABA: yea yea
El BABA: aight
PC: I am going to be in NYC in early May
El BABA: gonna go back to being productive
El BABA: hit me up when you're here

I will never quit AOT
PC
AOT

David Jaffe says some real shit, I still don't like him

Productive Citizen Quits Army of Techno

Dear loyal readers, friends, and random people...

I quit AOT, for the same reason as everyone else has. I am a paranoid schizo that loves jesus and work too much to have any time to make electronic music(my only love.) I guess I will just be a lame ass accountant instead.

Productive Citizen over and out.