Friday, May 29, 2009

Mr. Alan's and Mark have your back!

In this warcession we need deals like 1 for $29 or 2 for $50, 10 bucks!

This may be the best Ad campaign ever!

If you can't get credit at Norton Furniture, you can't get it anywhere...

Mark creeps me out...

This one has a surprise ending...

Mark takes his message to the streets...

And now an even worse AD:

I hope that was stupid and/or random enough,


Friday, May 22, 2009

Integriti's Special Invitation

Title: Your special invitation...

So i opened the mail yesterday and found something that belongs here. During the worst recession of our generation I recieve a special invitation from Visa. For a low low price of $495 per year I could own a patent pending carbon fiber black credit card! Are you kidding me Visa? Where is Ashton at? Oh, I know where he is, buried under billions in bad debt like the rest of us. Visa die.

- Integriti


Sounds like a sweet deal.


Thursday, May 21, 2009

Who is Frank? Why is he in my Cream Pan?

So we got some Japanese dessert and realized that there was some dude named Frank in it. If you have any information regarding Frank's whereabouts, please contact us...

Or this will happen to you:

Or maybe even this...

Or in the worst case scenario, this...



Here is some more Walker Texas Ranger.

Wednesday, May 06, 2009

Technology Wars (3D Realms Death)

3D Realms Shuts Down

In what can only be described as the worst corporate failure since Lehman Brothers, 3D Realms has shut down operations. For 13 years I had been waiting for my favorite first person shooter Duke Nukem 3D's sequel. Duke Nukem Forever was given a WID release date. WID stood for when its done. Apparently WID now means never. The stock market has responded terribly. Nasdaq down 3%, S&P 500 struggling to stay above 900, and the Dow Jones selling off 150 points! The systematic risk of a 3D Realms failure and the ensuing instability in all of gaming has shook the global economy to its core. Oil shot up to $58 in what can only be described as a flight to quality. The US Treasury had to issue 30 year bonds at the highest yield since the current warcession hit. Desperate times call for desperate measures. We must bailout 3D Realms, or at the very least Duke Nukem Forever. Unless we want the deflationary spiral to continue, Congress and the Obama Administration must act swiftly and with no accountability. Do we need to revisit the days after the fall of Fannie, Freddie, AIG, Bear Stearns, Lehman, Washington Mutual, and Circuit City? Or do we do things differently? A world without Duke Nukem is a sad shell of existence. Public health care can be put on the back burner, but this cannot wait. We have never faced the kind of volatility that the unmet expected release of DNF will cause. Forget the S&P 500 going to 666 again, we would be heading below 500. Apple would collapse and Microsoft would start making pancakes instead of software. Do we really want to see this world? I sure as shit don't and I would ask all citizens to unite with me in demanding a bailout of 3D Realms to allow Duke Nukem Forever to be released. The government could take an ownership interest that would allow for capital appreciation to flow through to taxpayers. This is bigger than any other crisis we have faced.

God help us,

Productive Citizen

To soften the devastating blow of this news I have provided a remix of the Duke Nukem 3D Theme Song. Hopefully this will prevent some of the inevitable suicides.

Farewell Duke.mp3

Tuesday, May 05, 2009

Ohio, at least we have LeBron James

First some videos about the bustling metropolis of Cleveland, Ohio

Hastily Made Cleveland Tourism Video: 1st Attempt

Hastily Made Cleveland Tourism Video: 2nd Attempt

Now some videos about the caped crusader of Cincinnati, Ohio. SHADOWHARE!

Cincinnati's Masked Super Hero: Part 1

Cincinnati's Masked Super Hero: Part 2

More info about Shadowhare available here.

View our comments for the copy of an online chat session with Shadowhare...

In other news LeBron James was named MVP of the NBA. He is the first Cavalier to receive this honor and he accepted the award at his highschool, St. Vincent-St. Mary, in Akron, Ohio. Go Cavs!

LeBron shows that even in a state with very little opportunity, a valuable person can be born and succeed. His work is not over. 12 more wins!