Wednesday, December 31, 2008

This Just In: 2008 Sucked

Next year is going to have to suck really hard to beat this year.

Happy New Year to all three of my readers...



I think there are more than three of you, but you guys catch my drift.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Apple Inc. Firing Practices Illustrated

Check out this story (source

In Apple's history of employments and layoffs, one may be reluctant to believe that the company bearing the motto "Think different" would fire one of its staffers for doing just that.

Meet Brent Barlow, a former software analyst and beta-tester at Apple. In 1999, Apple felt it was necessary to let him go because he "consistently failed to adhere to the normal standards of conduct and daily routines expected of employees of Apple Computer," according to a company spokesperson.

Listening to Bob Dylan on his headphones while testing software, and taking barefoot walks around the Apple campus to" feel more connected to the creative energy of others" were among his strange activities around the office. For one reason or another, Dylan also used to hang his mountain bike above his workstation.

"It's okay to think outside the box," Avie Tevanian, Apple senior vice-president of software engineering, said. "In fact, we very much encourage that sort of thing, here at Apple. But in Mr. Barlow's case, he went just a bit too far."

First written up in September 1996, Barlow was cited for "unprofessional and inappropriate personal modifications to his workspace." Those included taped-up pictures of Mahatma Gandhi, Albert Einstein, and R. Buckminster Fuller, a painted red question mark on the side of his monitor, a non-approved wallpaper (on his Mac) of Jim Henson, and more. Reportedly, Barlow went as far as replacing his computer's trademarked startup sound with a snippet of the John Lennon song "Imagine."

"I like to explore problems from unusual angles," Barlow explained, as he was cleaning out the desk he had been working at for four years. "And being in a free-form environment of my own creation really helps me get in the right frame of mind." The last straw was when his team supervisor caught him doing a headstand, reports revealed. The write-up for this incident was Barlow's last blow.

"I was stuck on this bug I discovered in the new Mac OS X system software that Apple's developing. No matter what I tried, nothing worked," Barlow revealed. "So I thought to myself, what I need to do is turn my whole approach to this problem upside-down. And what better way to do that than by standing on your head?"

Apple director of corporate communications, Michael Landau, further emphasized that the company had no choice but to let him go. "Of course, we want our employees to be individuals and 'do their own thing,' so to speak," Landau stated at the time. "But Mr. Barlow's behavior consistently crossed the line. If he wants to think that different, he can do it on his own time."

Throughout the years, Apple has developed a manual outlining the company's rules and regulations regarding individualism, in an effort to prevent "excessive iconoclasm." In accordance with those rules, staffers were allowed activities such as:

- removing shoes when seated or within four feet of a desk;
- whistling when given prior written permission from a direct supervisor;
- kicking puddles, provided the kicking is conducted during one's lunch hour and the puddle is one of the 35 on the Apple campus specifically designated for such a purpose.

Staffers are moreover prohibited to sing out loud, fly kites, and catch butterflies.

In other news, multiple news agencies have been added to my shit list for knocking down AAPL with rumors of Steve Jobs' health, death, monkey pox, battles with mutant monsters in space, etc.

"Steves health is rapidly declining. Apple is choosing to remove the hype factor strategically vs letting the hype destroy apple when the inevitable news comes later this spring."

As you can see the shorts knocked AAPL down from 88 and change to 84 and change in about 5 minutes. This kind of market manipulation has been prevalent all year in this stock. Are you an AAPL shareholder? If so, contact Investor Relations at

Phone: (408) 974-3123
Fax: (408) 974-2113

I am astonished at the lack of outrage in this stock market. Apathy will lead to further pain, and fraud if we don't stand up and do something. I hope you will join me in bringing integrity, honor and transparency to our failing capital markets.



Saturday, December 27, 2008

Work Still Sucks Deek

This excerpt from a paper by a dear friend “Jam Hole” in Mrs. Bastone’s English class sums everything up pretty well.

“Another problem I experienced with this poem is the amount of work involved with properly annotating the text-or any form of work for that matter. I fully believe and abide by the concept of not doing any work-at all. While visiting Puerto Rico, a fool told me that a good and steadfast work ethic will prove to have many benefactors. I then proceeded to kick him in the groin and threaten his dog, Willis. To make a long and cumbersome story short, work sux. Don't ever be misled into thinking a strong work ethic will pay the electricity bills-it won't. The lives of the ignorant are enhanced by the high amounts of work they perform. It disgraces me. Thank you. God will see us through this epidemic.”

What was true in 1999 is even more true in 2008.


Monday, December 22, 2008

Just in time for Christmas, It's Snuggie!

The perfect recession gift, we can all use a snuggie when we are huddled around a burning garbage can eating beans and dog food.

Happy Holidays,


Thursday, December 18, 2008

It's a beautiful day


Wear some sunscreen, people.


Monday, December 15, 2008

Shoes thrown at President Bush

In his farewell visit to Iraq, the President of these United States had a shoe thrown at him. Maybe the Iraqi press core should take their shoes off before any press conferences...

Happy Holidays,


Friday, December 05, 2008

Away Messages (yet another report)

Here is more away message stupidity from my buddylist:

How about we stop giving bailouts and start giving less Government regulation that strangles America.

Less regulation got us here. We have already started the process of bailing out various industries within our economy. To stop now would be the most irresponsible action available. Today we got a jobs report that said we lost 533,000 jobs in November of 2008. We have been in a recession since December 2007. To let the Big 3 auto companies fail would cause unemployment to skyrocket. 2.5 million jobs and people would be affected by a failure of the industry. Billions of dollars of auto loan debt would be written down, leading to even further problems in the financial sector. It is easy to drop a smarmy one liner about big government, but if you open your eyes, mind and ears, you will realize how much of a jackass you are in emulating Hoover and Shelby.

Senator Shelby wants to kill Detroit, I want to save the world.


Thursday, December 04, 2008

Away Messages (an infinite series of reports)

So today, the automakers are begging for a bailout/bridge loan.

I had the following away message:

Senator Shelby for President, of REAL AMERICA

Someone on my buddylist put this up shortly after:

Senator Shelby and the flat tax...I am all for it.

Now, the flat tax is one thing, but to think that an ignorant douche like Shelby knows anything about financial crises is another completely false belief. Among the bills sponsored by Shelby over the years have been bills to make English the sole language of the federal government. (source wikipedia) Now, does anyone think that is a useful way to spend your time in congress? He was also a leader in the opposition to the TARP, in the name of free markets. If it was up to him we would be eating dog food by now (Alpo is the meatiest one FYI). My point to anyone who thinks the flat tax is fair, don't you think billionaires should pay more than a guy who makes 20 grand a year? I propose leaving all rates the same for individuals, eliminating the corporate tax, and creating a new billionaire bracket. If billionaires try to move to tax advantaged countries, we can assess a patriot penalty tax.

Food for thought,

My friend will continue to provide me with stupid away messages that I can then poke holes through.


Monday, December 01, 2008

Away Messages (an infinte series of reports)

These messages were written by people on my buddy list.

"International court to punish nations that fail to prevent global warming"?? The carbon cap and trade and Now this? WAKE UP...The words "man made Global warming" created by politicians has nothing to do with the planet it has to do with taxation of epic proportions..It's funny how every top scientist who has proven that global warming has nothing to do with humans is persecuted.

So, apparently he doesn't think we caused this. I would just like to point out two things:

The Cuyahoga River caught fire in 1936 and continued in the 1960s.


Lake Erie is receding.

It is apparent that humans caused the Cuyahoga River to catch fire. Now, I am not saying that we caused the Great Lakes to recede, but if you look at the evidence, with an open and nonpartisan mind, you can see a correlation if not a pure connection.


Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Nice and Stupid, Like I Like IT.

Also here is someone eating a burrito at 70 mph.

Have a nice Thanksgiving people,


Monday, November 24, 2008

Bjork teaches us all about TVs

I don't think I have to explain why this is random stupidity.

Go Bjork,


Friday, October 03, 2008

Steve Jobs not dead, but the free market is.

The following fake story was reported to by some random douchebag:

"Steve Jobs was rushed to the ER just a few hours ago after suffering a major heart attack. I have an insider who tells me that paramedics were called after Steve claimed to be suffering from severe chest pains and shortness of breath. My source has opted to remain anonymous, but he is quite reliable. I haven't seen anything about this anywhere else yet, and as of right now, I have no further information, so I thought this would be a good place to start. If anyone else has more information, please share it."

This is absurd. Why should we have any faith in this market? CNN, you have lost my business. I have contacted Apple, CNN, and the SEC regarding this. Free Market my ass! Between this, UAUA trading at .01, and Google why should I be in the market?

Monday, June 30, 2008

Shaq raps, but he is no Biggie...

At least Kobe made it to the finals this year...

Randomly stupid indeed...


Thursday, June 05, 2008

More Randomly Stupid Spam

This was recently received by my friend:

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Quality spam,


Friday, May 23, 2008

Kentucky doesn't like Black People...

In yet another display of intelligence, the citizens of Kentucky have had their voices heard. Albeit illiterate, racist, and ignorant hate speech, I recommend watching this Al Jazeera piece:

This is why I struggle everyday with voting Nader or Obama, I feel that a minority candidate can't win because there are still a lot of racists (overt and covert) that will support McCain in November.

Oh well, 100 years of war doesn't sound that bad.


Sorry DJs, no more Turntablism. Now Giant iPhonetables.

Check out ATTIGO by Scott Hobbs:

Final Product // ATTIGO TT from Scott Hobbs on Vimeo.

I love technology,


Wednesday, May 21, 2008

The New East vs West Coast Rap War

In this corner, Snoop:

And in the other more white and conservative corner, Bill O'Reilly:

Gotta love Bill O'Reilly making fun of the word ghetto...

Truly Randomly Stupid,


Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Army of Techno receives takeover bid from Google

Dear readers/listeners,

Today at 9:15 AM Central time, we received a takeover bid from Google. They are offering $10,000 a share. They believe that the Productive Citizen brand is worth a lot, they also feel that AOTV and are intellectual properties that could be worth way more than they are paying. AOT and PC will continue to make music, videos, and write blogs. This offer is to shareholders of record as of 1/1/08 so don't try to pile into our company now. The Board of Directors will meet later tonight to discuss our future. Who knows? This could be the beginning of a bidding war. Eat that Yahoo!


Productive Citizen
(google's bitch)