Monday, April 12, 2010

KFC's Double Down


Behold, The KFC Double Down!

--------------------------------
The sandwich contains no bread. Instead, two deep-fried boneless white-meat chicken filets act in bread’s place. They contain a sandwich of bacon and melted cheese between them, with a splat of a mayonnaise product called Colonel’s Sauce to moisten the whole.

Lettuce? Tomato? Come on. The Double Down is a sandwich, not a salad. There is no lettuce on it. There is no tomato.

But for the record? The calorie count for the Double Down is 540, according to KFC. That’s exactly equivalent to a Big Mac over at McDonald’s, and well below the 920 that constitutes a Double Whopper at Burger King.

- source NY Times
--------------------------------

Wow, I still think the Fifth Third Burger (5000 calories) is more disgusting, but we now have another samich that could kill us :)

PC

Thursday, April 01, 2010

Apple Inc. Buys AOT Family of Websites

Boom,

We have received and accepted an offer from Apple Inc. to sell our family of websites:

www.corruptpoliticiansforchange.com
www.randumbstupidity.com
www.technosucks.com
www.iflebronleaves.com
www.stevejobsisalive.com

for $15 billion.

Sorry, Google. Your offer was too cheap. This obviously means that we are going to pass the torch to Steve Jobs and buy a money bin to swim around in. Good luck, buddy. If you were a fan of us, too bad. You didn't buy enough T-shirts. This deal values each of our blogs at $3 billion. AOTV was the main sticking point in our past discussions with Google, but Apple was very impressed by AOTV 4 - United Banks of America. We would like to thank our fans for making us filthy rich, but now you guys can suck it... SIDEWAYS!

APRIL FOOLS!

PC

Sunday, March 07, 2010

Stupid Pictures (an infinite series of reports)

Okay, now that Conan is on Twitter, I am inspired enough to continue our blog. The following are stupid pictures:























There, I hope that was enough random stupidity for you.

PC

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

First Post of 2010!

I hope all of you are off to a nice start to the year.
There's a whole lotta stupid to get to...

First, Conan...



Here is a full letter from Conan about the situation he faces:

People of Earth:

In the last few days, I’ve been getting a lot of sympathy calls, and I want to start by making it clear that no one should waste a second feeling sorry for me. For 17 years, I’ve been getting paid to do what I love most and, in a world with real problems, I’ve been absurdly lucky. That said, I’ve been suddenly put in a very public predicament and my bosses are demanding an immediate decision.

Six years ago, I signed a contract with NBC to take over The Tonight Show in June of 2009. Like a lot of us, I grew up watching Johnny Carson every night and the chance to one day sit in that chair has meant everything to me. I worked long and hard to get that opportunity, passed up far more lucrative offers, and since 2004 I have spent literally hundreds of hours thinking of ways to extend the franchise long into the future. It was my mistaken belief that, like my predecessor, I would have the benefit of some time and, just as important, some degree of ratings support from the prime-time schedule. Building a lasting audience at 11:30 is impossible without both.

But sadly, we were never given that chance. After only seven months, with my Tonight Show in its infancy, NBC has decided to react to their terrible difficulties in prime-time by making a change in their long-established late night schedule.

Last Thursday, NBC executives told me they intended to move the Tonight Show to 12:05 to accommodate the Jay Leno Show at 11:35. For 60 years the Tonight Show has aired immediately following the late local news. I sincerely believe that delaying the Tonight Show into the next day to accommodate another comedy program will seriously damage what I consider to be the greatest franchise in the history of broadcasting. The Tonight Show at 12:05 simply isn’t the Tonight Show. Also, if I accept this move I will be knocking the Late Night show, which I inherited from David Letterman and passed on to Jimmy Fallon, out of its long-held time slot. That would hurt the other NBC franchise that I love, and it would be unfair to Jimmy.

So it has come to this: I cannot express in words how much I enjoy hosting this program and what an enormous personal disappointment it is for me to consider losing it. My staff and I have worked unbelievably hard and we are very proud of our contribution to the legacy of The Tonight Show. But I cannot participate in what I honestly believe is its destruction. Some people will make the argument that with DVRs and the Internet a time slot doesn’t matter. But with the Tonight Show, I believe nothing could matter more.

There has been speculation about my going to another network but, to set the record straight, I currently have no other offer and honestly have no idea what happens next. My hope is that NBC and I can resolve this quickly so that my staff, crew, and I can do a show we can be proud of, for a company that values our work.

Have a great day and, for the record, I am truly sorry about my hair; it’s always been that way.

Yours,

Conan

--------------------------

Good Luck, Conan. I always hated Leno, loved Carson and will watch you wherever you go next. Poor Andy... He finally had a job.

--------------------------

Next up, Google and China.

This is a post from Google's Blog:

Like many other well-known organizations, we face cyber attacks of varying degrees on a regular basis. In mid-December, we detected a highly sophisticated and targeted attack on our corporate infrastructure originating from China that resulted in the theft of intellectual property from Google. However, it soon became clear that what at first appeared to be solely a security incident--albeit a significant one--was something quite different.

First, this attack was not just on Google. As part of our investigation we have discovered that at least twenty other large companies from a wide range of businesses--including the Internet, finance, technology, media and chemical sectors--have been similarly targeted. We are currently in the process of notifying those companies, and we are also working with the relevant U.S. authorities.

Second, we have evidence to suggest that a primary goal of the attackers was accessing the Gmail accounts of Chinese human rights activists. Based on our investigation to date we believe their attack did not achieve that objective. Only two Gmail accounts appear to have been accessed, and that activity was limited to account information (such as the date the account was created) and subject line, rather than the content of emails themselves.

Third, as part of this investigation but independent of the attack on Google, we have discovered that the accounts of dozens of U.S.-, China- and Europe-based Gmail users who are advocates of human rights in China appear to have been routinely accessed by third parties. These accounts have not been accessed through any security breach at Google, but most likely via phishing scams or malware placed on the users' computers.

We have already used information gained from this attack to make infrastructure and architectural improvements that enhance security for Google and for our users. In terms of individual users, we would advise people to deploy reputable anti-virus and anti-spyware programs on their computers, to install patches for their operating systems and to update their web browsers. Always be cautious when clicking on links appearing in instant messages and emails, or when asked to share personal information like passwords online. You can read more here about our cyber-security recommendations. People wanting to learn more about these kinds of attacks can read this U.S. government report (PDF), Nart Villeneuve's blog and this presentation on the GhostNet spying incident.

We have taken the unusual step of sharing information about these attacks with a broad audience not just because of the security and human rights implications of what we have unearthed, but also because this information goes to the heart of a much bigger global debate about freedom of speech. In the last two decades, China's economic reform programs and its citizens' entrepreneurial flair have lifted hundreds of millions of Chinese people out of poverty. Indeed, this great nation is at the heart of much economic progress and development in the world today.

We launched Google.cn in January 2006 in the belief that the benefits of increased access to information for people in China and a more open Internet outweighed our discomfort in agreeing to censor some results. At the time we made clear that "we will carefully monitor conditions in China, including new laws and other restrictions on our services. If we determine that we are unable to achieve the objectives outlined we will not hesitate to reconsider our approach to China."

These attacks and the surveillance they have uncovered--combined with the attempts over the past year to further limit free speech on the web--have led us to conclude that we should review the feasibility of our business operations in China. We have decided we are no longer willing to continue censoring our results on Google.cn, and so over the next few weeks we will be discussing with the Chinese government the basis on which we could operate an unfiltered search engine within the law, if at all. We recognize that this may well mean having to shut down Google.cn, and potentially our offices in China.

The decision to review our business operations in China has been incredibly hard, and we know that it will have potentially far-reaching consequences. We want to make clear that this move was driven by our executives in the United States, without the knowledge or involvement of our employees in China who have worked incredibly hard to make Google.cn the success it is today. We are committed to working responsibly to resolve the very difficult issues raised.

Posted by David Drummond, SVP, Corporate Development and Chief Legal Officer

--------------------------

As a website that has been attacked by hackers, I feel their pain. I love that Google is fighting for free information in what is otherwise a nation of propaganda. This is just the beginning of what I believe will be the war of the next century. A war of information, technology and privacy. Good thing there is an Army of Techno you can join!

--------------------------

Also, check out some other stupid blogs/tweets from other people.

Shit My Dad Says

Favorite quote:
"Universe is 14 billion years old. Seems silly to celebrate one year. Be like having a fucking parade every time i take a piss."

Sleep Talkin Man

Favorite quote:
"Don't leave the duck there. It's totally irresponsible. Put it on the swing, it'll have much more fun."

Also, Colleen's Enemies is back!
--------------------------

Lastly, how much would it suck to lose a competitive Halo match because of hardware failure?

Check out this Kotaku article...

Here is the YouTube link, they disabled embedding...

I feel your pain Triggers Down...
--------------------------

There it is, the first post of 2010.

PC

Tuesday, December 08, 2009

Monday, November 30, 2009

More Stupid Commercials!

So we were hanging out at my friend's house this weekend and I was shown the following amazingly stupid advertisements!

Jones Big Ass Truck Rental and Storage Facility


After some research I found that he has another business...
Jones Good Ass BBQ & Foot Massage!


Cullman Liquidation Depressing Mobile Home Ad


Cuban Gynecologist and American Car Salesman


An Insanely Long Indian Condom Commercial


I am also going to repost Montgomery Flea Market again...


These marketing geniuses are titans of industry and a reminder of the unbreakable spirit of entrepreneurship in this post credit crisis world.

PC

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Hotel Offers Guests a Night as a Hamster


- source Reuters

NANTES - It's a unique concept according to its creators, a hotel in the French town of Nantes is offering the chance for people to become a hamster.

For 99 euros ($148.10) a night, you can eat hamster grain, run in a giant wheel and sleep in hay stacks in what is called the "Hamster Villa."

Maud and Sebastien are the first ones to experience how hamsters live, not afraid at the thought of sleeping in hay or feeding on a hamster fountain and special grain.

It's a unique experience and, the guests say, just something different.

"To become a hamster, eat seeds, change our way of life...come out of our daily routine" Maud and Sebastien told Reuters TV..

The owners, Frederic Tabary and Yann Falquerho, run a company which rents out unusual and bizarre places.

"The Hamster in the world of children is that little cuddly animal. Often, the adults who come here have wanted or did have hamsters when they were small," Falquerho said, dressed as a hamster.

However, the price is soon to go up as today's hamsters need, according to the owners, Wifi and a giant TV screen.

------------------------------------------------

Leave it to the French to do something that stupid. There have got to be better ways to get away from life's daily routines. How about next time you want to spend a night as a hamster, just take a shovel and hit yourself in the face as hard as you can? Got any other ideas for these crazy bastards? Leave them in the comments section below...

PC

Mayor of Sugar Land Robbed at Gunpoint

The Mayor of Sugar Land, Texas was robbed in his own driveway after a city council meeting...
- source chron.com



Just a sign of the times...

PC

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Random Stupidity Gets the Google Nod!

Hello Readers!

Just for shiggles (shits and giggles), I googled Random Stupidity the other day. What did I find? We are number 1!

What follows is a conglomerated post of random stupidity.

Texan drives $1 million Bugatti Veyron into marshes



Dock Ellis & The LSD No-No



Al Franken is now my favorite member of congress, check out this YouTube of him grilling a doctor about health care reform...



Retarded Policeman #9: Boobies!



Monkey Washing Cat



Speaking of Cats...



Check out this ridiculous kill in Modern Warfare 2!



Thanks to all you readers, we will continue to be an industry leader in Random Stupidity for years to come!

PC

Monday, October 05, 2009

Three Cheers for the Status Quo

Hip Hip Hooray!
Hip Hip Hooray!
Hip Hip Hooray!


Giant Donut in the Sky, please protect my insurance company.

PC

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Healthcare Reform Victims


I have been saying this for months... Why would you defend corrupt billion dollar industries that don't give a crap about you?

PC

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

Away Messages (infinite series of reports)

JM writes...

"Everyones panties are all in a twist over torture...I say step up the waterboarding a notch to real torture instead of that pussy Sh#@!! and then throw Nancy Pelosi in there for the hell of it."

--------------------------------------

Oh boy, I don't know if it is even worth posting these away messages anymore. I keep doing it because it qualifies under the "Stupidity" part of Random Stupidity. Where to start? Water boarding is not pussy shit. Anyone who has had it done to them will back me up on that. In fact, they will all say that it is torture. Are my panties in a twist? I think not, but I do think that America has an opportunity to be a moral leader in a world of anarchy. When it comes to national security, I understand that there is a gray area in between torture and interrogation. Just imagine yourself or your friends and family being suspected of terrorism, and then tortured unjustly. I am not saying that all detainees are innocent, but if there are even a few, I would not be in favor of torture. The radical terrorists are willing to kill themselves, why do we think torture will yield anything but more hatred? This is something JM doesn't understand. I am starting to wonder what kind of Nazi blood orgy he took part in. His recent away messages and comments are indicative of an ongoing problem amongst whiny white republicans that think that they are about to be ethnically cleansed. Isn't that the pot calling the kettle a nigger (black)?

Giant Donut in the Sky, HELP US!

PC

Defeat the Debt... Yea Right...

So I just saw this on CNBC...

- from Defeat the Debt

I understand the fear about our enormous national debt to China, but quit using the "Won't someone think of the children?" argument. It is trite and classless. Do you think those kids really care what their parents pay in taxes? Do you think they even know their future profession? If you think they do, I have some valuable commercial real estate in Northeast Ohio to sell you... Seriously, the debates about economic stimulus, healthcare, and energy have demonstrated my greatest fear about the USA. Our citizens are getting dumber by the day, and corporations/lobbyists are manipulating the masses through fear tactics.

Disagree with me? Go back to drinking your high fructose corn syrup and watching Michael Jackson E! News Coverage. I am sorry to have tried to make you think, I know it makes your head hurt.

PC

Friday, August 28, 2009

Google Search is Racist!

Well, apparently Google is getting hammered with a search.

Via NowPublic.com, Google has been spammed with searches for "white people stole my car." The effort has been so big that the phrase has been showing up on Google Trends for a few days.

The term, when search, leads to sites that contain viruses and even more spam. According to Google Insights, the phrase began being "searched" August 19.

There are also reports that when people searched for "white people stole my car," Google returned with "Did You Mean: black people stole my car?" But I find that part to be a bit far-fetched and unlikely to have actually happened.
-----------------------------

The file is most likely doctored, but this is just another weird thing to happen with Google. Remember the Chinese People search?

I still love you, Google.
PC

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Monday, August 24, 2009

Time for Monkey Magic!

After some intense research, I have found we are very low on random monkey videos here at Random Stupidity.

Enjoy.


Pankun can also make noodles.

I hope you liked that.

PC

Away Messages (infinite series of reports)

JM writes,

The VA(government run veterans healthcare) has a 52-page end-of-life planning document called the "Death Book” which just so happened to be reinstated by Obama recently. Page 21 from the “death book” is a questionnaire entitled “what makes your life worth living” Each question has a choice of If you checked 'can't answer now,' what information or people do you need to help you decide?" Obama is lying to you when he says there will be no death panels.

---------------------------------------------------

Okay... When did end of life planning become a bad thing? The leap that JM makes from "Can't Answer Now" to "Death Panels" is full of mayonnaise. Maybe those "people" you need to help you decide are your family and friends? Using "information" to make decisions is a bad thing? Sounds very Bushian to me. Whiny Republicans need to get the dick of the health care industry out of their mouths. Seriously, the misinformation being fed to the ignorant and angry town hall/birthers/teabaggers is hilarious. You people are broke, and you are letting billionaires tell you what they want you to think. All they care about is Earnings Per Share. These companies should be ashamed of themselves for abusing the same people that need reform. This is not about race, it is about class. For all the rabble-rousing at the Town Hall Meetings, have you heard a single solution from any of these protesters? Why defend the status quo when you are not receiving any benefit?

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
- Albert Einstein

Giant Donut in the Sky help us!

PC

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Worst Rated Player on Madden ‘07

Source: emailsfromcrazypeople.com
---------------------------------
To: John Madden
CC: Electronic Arts Sports
From: Ethan Albright
Re: Being the worst rated player on Madden ‘07

Hi, John, my name is Ethan Albright. I play line for the Washington Redskins. You probably already knew that, so I’ll continue. I am writing in regards to the overall player rating of 53 that I have received in Madden NFL Football 2007. I feel that this is fucking bullshit and you should kiss my mother-fucking ass. Ahmed Carroll was rated a 78 and the Packers just cut his ass on a Tuesday morning after his performance in a Monday night game. That is pretty terrible. The worst part is that his overall rating was sniffing 80.

You know what, John? Two can play this game. I rate you a fucking 12. I rate you a fucking 12 in Ethan Albright Football 2000-ever except for in the category of ball-licking. That is where I will spot you a 98 rating. You will receive this score because I will never give your blubbery ass a 99 in any category. Take that, pencil-dick. Go do Al Micheals or something. Boom.

It’s also pretty wonderful that my awareness rating was 59. You make it sound like I wake up in the morning, helplessly shit and piss myself, then lose three of my teeth before I discover that I am trying to eat a rock for breakfast. Fuck, John, I understand you saying that I am slow and lacking athleticism, but a rating like this pretty much labels me as retarded. Rod Hate Me Smart has a 52 in this category. Electronic Arts is saying that seven rating points separate me and the breathing embodiment of the perfect oxymoron. Rod Smart struggled to arrange words in sentence form. Cave men had better hold of the English language. The only actions that separate point values of ignorance at this embarrassing level are things like using your own toothbrush to wipe your ass. I basically edged out Rod by my lack of shit teeth. If I take a night school class, could you bump me up to a 60?

I guess I just can’t fathom the fact that I am the absolute worst player rated out of the entire NFL. Fuck, man, there are some shitty guys out there. Amongst everyone, I was rated the absolute worst.

I have received the impression that you feel that I am lacking in the agility category. I should consider a walk through my living room where I don’t crash through a wall or kick over furniture a resounding success. My agility rating on your game is 33. It makes it sound like I just topple over if I start walking too fast. Ted Washington is rated a 40 in agility. He is listed at 365 pounds. If Ted Washington tied a white lady up and made her wear a metal bikini, he’d look just like Jabba the Hut.

John, you are such a fucking dick. I also noticed that my kick return rating was a 0. I was rated a fucking zero? So you feel that I shouldn’t even receive a 10, or even a 5? You are pretty much saying that I couldn’t even fall forward on a ball kicked in my direction. I would just stand there and let the ball bounce off of my fucking face. Fuck that, John, I returned an onside kick 6 yards in 2002. You should have just slapped a – 4 on me and had the EA staff ambush me with paintball guns.

Finally, I would like to comment on an unlikely topic, my pass coverage ratings. I see that I am a better at man-to-man coverage (31) than zone (21). Fuck me sideways with a lunchbox. Where did these scores even come from? How much time is spent coming up with the pass coverage ratings of offensive lineman? Can I have that job? Let’s see here, I think that Orlando Pace would be slightly better at jumping intermediate routes than Larry Allen. While I’m at it, I can assign the passing ratings for offensive lineman as well. I can use mine as a guide.

I was rated with a throwing power of 17 and accuracy of 16. Orlando Pace has a 22 power and 17 accuracy rating. Did someone at EA really put time into figuring out that Orlando Pace edges out Ethan Albright in both throwing power and accuracy? I will challenge him any day. My horrible passer ratings are of greatest misfortune to my son, Red Beard Jr. The poor boy is not only hideously ugly and covered by freakishly large freckles. He also has to suffer through playing catch with me and my senile-elderly-woman-type passer ratings. A session of tossing the pigskin usually consists of me missing my son by thirty yards in sporadic directions. I led him in front of a fire truck once and my wife kicked my ass. This is because of my 76 toughness rating. Yes, a 76 is far better than the other ratings, but I’m a fucking lineman, damn it. NFL Linemen are considered to be synonymous with toughness. According to your game, I am a retarded, uncoordinated, pussy-ass fuckwad that can’t fall on a kickoff, throw, or spell. I am, however, slightly better at manning up on a receiver than dropping into zone coverage. You lose your mind more and more each year, old man.

Fuck you, John. Please expect to find red pubes in various meals you consume for the rest of your life. If you fuck with Ethan Albright, you call down the thunder.

Rot in Hell,

Ethan Albright

---------------------------------

Wow, it must suck to be the worst rated player in Madden.
Thanks to Colleen for sending this story to us...

PC